Feeling more like myself
“But I like to keep some things to myself” – Shake it Out/Florence + The Machine
Sometimes (a lot lately) I wonder, WHY?
Why didn’t I do these things that I should have done ten years ago?
Why didn’t I take better care of myself… why didn’t I follow those lofty dreams I had… why didn’t I realize that I should start my own photography business ten years ago… why… why… why…
It’s easy to look back and see so clearly the path you should have taken. It’s easy to want to travel back in a time machine and change the past.
“Listen, this is now, this is here, this is me. This is what I wanted you to see. That was then. That was that. That is gone. That is past.” – So Fast, So Numb/R.E.M.
And then you can always find a rationale.
Oh, it was because I fell in love! Oh, it was because I went to college. Oh, it was because I got distracted BLAH BLAH BLAH.
But why really?
Fear?
Fear of Success. Fear of Failure. Fear of putting yourself out there, out for critique/criticism?
Denial?
Not knowing what you really want from life? Or not admitting it to yourself?
I think… that I need to be braver.
“I must become… a lion hearted girl… ready for a fight.” Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up)/Florence + The Machine
I think… that I need to become more honest.
More action, less excuses.
Because… I still have dreams…
Dreams are meant to be big and scary. They are meant to be on the far edge of what is possible and mostly improbable. I can’t let my love for logic and reason and stability stomp all over who I am, what I want to be, and what I love in life.
“I close my eyes and think how it might be… The future’s here today. It’s not too late. It’s not too late, yeah!” – I Believe in Miracles/The Ramones
Why pretend for other people? Is it really so great to spend your life worrying about what everyone thinks?
Why not do what you love? Even if it’s just in your spare time?
Why not create art and music? Even if no one will ever see it or hear it?
Is it for them or is it for you?
“And so I thank you dearly
For letting me see clearly
Open up, she said
Be you, be true” – You’re True/Eddie Vedder
It’s easy to see the success of others, but not their struggle.
がんばれ！
(I need to be more like me, but I want to be more like you.)
